Which of the following descriptions sounds most like you?
You have believe that you control the events in your life. You believe that what happens to you is the result of your own abilities and efforts. Rather than relying on the opinions of others, you think and behave independently. You are rarely influenced by others and are more likely to seek out the appropriate information to make your own decisions.
OR
In the most part, you believe that things just happen and we have little influence over events. We can be lucky or unlucky, that’s just how it is. When faced with choices you tend to go with the flow and believe that things will be what they will. You have a tendency to be influenced by others and their opinions.
They describe two extremes of personality traits we call a person’s Locus of Control. They refer to the perception we have of personal control over our own behaviour.
The first represents a high internal locus of control while the second describes someone with a high external locus of control. Most of us would fall somewhere between the two extremes and yet we can recognise one as most familiar when dealing with the challenges of life.
Locus of Control and Behaviour Change
Unsurprisingly, if we believe that we can change our behaviour, it is much easier to do just that. If we believe that we have control over our eating behaviour, we are more likely to be successful at a weight loss programme. If the smoker believes they have control over their compulsion to smoke, they will find it easier to stop the habit.
Take another look at the descriptions… The person with the internal locus of control may find it easier to change their unwanted behaviours because they believe they are able to; it is within their control They will seek out the information and decide the best course of action.
On the other hand, those who have a more external locus of control may find it difficult to change their unwanted behaviours. They believe that it is less within their control so it becomes more challenging to start the process of behaviour change.
People with an external locus of control can change their behaviour, but it might explain why some people find it more difficult to begin challenging an unwanted behaviour, and why they struggle to maintain more helpful ways of behaving.
Rather than think of someone having will-power, it might be more useful consider their overall view of the ability to succeed.
The Good News?
Locus of Control is not a fixed personality trait, it is more of an attribution. It’s the way we attribute our sense of control over events. Someone who has a tendency towards having a more external locus of control can learn to change their beliefs about how much control their behaviour.
What can we learn…
If you have a tendency towards an external locus of control and want to make a change to your behaviour, make sure that you spend time focusing on increasing your belief that you can make that change. To begin with, focus on the evidence that you are in control of the behaviour. This might seem time wasted… but it will potentially make the change much easier.
Find out more about Combining Coaching and Hypnotherapy and book a free initial consultation at www.ketteringhypnotherapy.com or call 01536 350328
By the time anxiety symptoms have become problem, sufferers have come to a conclusion about what the cause is and how to overcome it.
The problem?
All efforts to overcome the anxiety have either failed or the benefits have been short lived.
In my experience, there are five-first steps of understanding that help a person begin the process of dealing with their anxiety for good.
Understanding that Stress and Anxiety are two different things
Very often the terms stress and anxiety are used interchangeably, but in practice they mean to very different things.
Stress: A physical and psychological response to the demands of current circumstances. This is most commonly experienced when the demands of the situation are greater than the individual believe they can cope with.
Anxiety: A physical and psychological response to unconscious pressures. This is most commonly a build up of emotion experiences from an individual’s formative years. The symptoms a person experiences (panic attacks, phobias, depression e.t.c.) are the pressure value for the inner pressure.
Of course, one affects the other. A person who has underlying anxiety is going to find it more difficult to cope with the stress of everyday life. Their belief in their ability to cope will be undermined by the unconscious anxiety. Likewise, the greater the unconscious anxiety, the more stressful people will find the challenges of everyday life and their anxiety symptoms will become more intense.
Understanding the difference between the two, prevents you from becoming frustrated when just dealing with your everyday stresses seems to have little positive effect on your anxieties. Flip the process on its head… deal with the underlying anxieties and everyday stresses are easier to mange.
Recognise There Is No Logic When It Comes to Anxiety
Many of my clients have tied themselves in knots trying to figure out a logical reason for their anxiety. They have applied their conscious reasoning to the problem for quite some time but each time they have drawn a blank. Why?
If there was a logical conscious reason for your anxiety you would have discovered it quite quickly and taken action to change the situation. As this hasn’t happened, we have to agree that the anxiety must be unconscious; there must be an underlying reason that is causing the symptoms.
Be care of falling into the trap of thinking that the cause of anxiety is the stress and strains of your day to day life. They might make the anxieties worse, but they are not the cause.
How do we know? The anxiety symptoms remain even when life is stress free. A person’s phobia, depression or panic attacks do not disappear with a stress free life. They may reduce in intensity, but they will always remain: anxiety is an unconscious pressure.
Realise that Anxiety is changing all the time
Anxiety is not a rounded-off problem, it changes and evolves as time goes by. Something that made you anxious a year ago, may not be so much of a problem today. Perhaps you faced that fear or phobia and noticed how it reduced in intensity (or disappeared), only for it to be replaced with another phobia, fear to concern.
Remember anxiety symptoms are outward expressions of an unconscious pressure, so if that outward expression is prevented, the mind produces another one to replace it. Of course, wouldn’t it make sense for your mind to produce a symptom that is more difficult to overcome this time?
Remove the unconscious pressure (anxiety) and there is no need for your mind to substitute the symptom.
Accepting that anxiety is caused by experiences in our early, formative years
We all had millions of individual experiences from birth to whatever age we are now. Some were positive and others negative, but each one has left an imprint on us. These experiences shape how we see the world and our place within it.
‘Who we are’ is the result of our interpretation of the experiences we had in those younger years of our life. The key is interpretation. That would all be okay if we could interpret them with an adult intellect, but unfortunately many of those important experiences happened when we were children and adolescents without the benefit of life knowledge that we have now.
Getting lost in the supermarket is a much bigger deal at five-years-old than at thirty-five years old. As a child we are unable to understand the experience in the way we might as an adult, and the same is true for the emotions we felt. No-one feels emotion with the intensity of a child.
Stored up experiences and the emotion accumulate with each passing experience. These build up the pressure unconsciously and that pressure is relieved by the pressure value that is the anxiety symptoms.
Choose an Analytical Therapy to Resolve the Underlying Cause of the Anxiety
Once we accept that the anxiety symptoms are outward expressions of an inner pressure and that stress in our day-to-day lives is only acerbating and not causing the anxiety, we have to accept that managing the symptoms is not about to bring about lasting change.
Resolving the underlying anxiety is the way to rid oneself of the problem and the symptoms (panic attacks, phobias, depression e.t.c.) are redundant.
Hypnosis allied to the use of psychotherapy is perfect for achieving the task.
Hypnoanalysis is a type of analytical therapy which works through and resolves the emotional build up which causes the anxiety. The therapy works under the principal of cause and effect. For every effect (anxiety symptoms) there has to be a cause; a reason why this person suffers in the way they do.
There is no reason why anyone should go through their lives coping with anxiety when there is help available.
When the imagination and the conscious will are conflicted, the imagination always wins, it squares the power exerted by the conscious will.
Emile Coue (1857-1926) proposed his Law of Reversed Effort which suggests, even if you want something to happen but fear/imagine it won’t then, with all probability, it won’t. The idea gives birth to the idea.
Our imagination is influenced by our subconscious and makes sure that the efforts of the conscious will are opposed.
Consider the frustration of trying to remember someone’s name…
You want to remember it (conscious will) but when it doesn’t spring to mind straight away you fear you won’t be able to remember it (imagination) and sure enough you can’t remember it. If you then take your mind away from it removing the imagination, then it is likely to pop into your thoughts.
A lot of the difficulties people have motivating themselves in life could be explained by the Law of Reversed Effort.
The smoker who wants to stop smoking but imagines that they are going to find it difficult no doubt will; imagination winning over conscious desire.
The learner driver who wants to feel calm and relaxed during their test and imagines the opposite is quite likely to feel anxious.
We can go a step further and say that psychosomatic symptoms are the result of negative suggestion. It is perfectly possible that the negative suggestion (which led to the problem) was in fact given to the individual by themselves.
Wait… this does not mean they decide consciously that they would develop this problem, that would be ridiculous.
An individual can use the power of suggestion unconsciously.
For example, a person fears that something might happen and following the Law of Reversed effort, it does. The idea gives birth to the idea.
Let’s imagine the person suffering from acrophobic (fear of heights) who looks at the ladder and fears that once they begin to climb, they will experience that familiar panic. It is possible that they consciously fight that thought and begin to climb slowly up each rung of the ladder, but this is where The law of reversed effort really comes into effect.
They unconsciously fear that they are going to panic, they imagine it happening. The conscious will (to not feel fear) and what they imagine (they will panic) are conflicted and sure enough the imagination wins and they panic just as they feared they would.
The Law of Reversed effort is hugely important if we are to understand why quite often people are frustrated at their lack of success when they attempt to change their behaviour.
Even though we want to change, if deep down we fear that we are likely to fail then we are going to feel a huge amount of frustration and beat themselves up about their lack of will power. The unconscious conflict will be sublimated into the conscious frustration.
Imagine if the need to maintain an unhelpful behaviour was held at an unconscious level? What if the symptoms someone wanted to remove were the unconscious mind’s way of preventing you thinking about something else? It’s all unconscious, so how would you know?
Surely any conscious attempts to change the behaviour would be met with an internal conflict?
Thinking about The Law of Reversed Effort: Do you think the behaviour change will be successful?
Find out more about how Hypnotherapy combined with Coaching can help you change an unwanted behaviour. Contact me to book a free initial consultation.
What is your ‘go to’ way to cope with stress? Perhaps you are someone who focuses on the problem itself. You might be someone who finds solace in focusing on the practical solutions to the situation. On the other hand, you may be someone who pays greater attention to dealing with the emotions created by the stressful events. You might feel that dealing with the emotions helps you see things in a clearer perspective. Perhaps you use both strategies?
The Research…
Research (Lazarus and Folkman, 1984) has distinguished between two types of coping that we use when faced with stressful situations.
We call then coping styles because each one has a particular focus on coping with stress. They are called problem focused and emotion focused coping.
Problem Focused: Tackling the particular things that has been causing the stress. Often thought of as the practical solution. It asks the question: “What can be done practically to cope with the situation?”
Emotion Focused: Tackling the emotions that are being created by the stressful situation. The focus is on reducing the emotional stress response. It asks the question: “Is how I’m feeling helping? What would be a more helpful way to respond to this?”
Double the benefit…
Clearly both coping styles are have their benefits. Using problem focused strategies are useful when the practical solutions are easily identifiable. When clear decisions need to be made, or when the individual knows what needs to happen (no matter how difficult) dealing with the problem directly is often most helpful.
Focusing on the problem and the possible practical actions to solve it, has the added benefit of giving us a greater sense of control over the situation. Being proactive allows us to take control of the stress response, which inevitably has the effect of reducing the emotions created by the situation.
Emotion focused coping is much more helpful when the situation is more ambiguous and cannot be dealt with easily in a practical way. It’s also helpful when the practical solutions are not immediately solved.
Focusing on the emotional response to the situation first, also has the benefit of creating a stronger feeling of control over the situation. When our emotions are heightened, we are unable to think clearly about the practical solutions. By focusing on reducing the negative emotional response, we can think more clearly and problem focused coping strategies are easier to use.
Some Examples…
Alex has applied for a new job. It is a promotion and one that he is more capable of doing, but he is not always the most confident person and has a tendency to be self-deprecating. It has taken a lot to even apply for the job. He is feeling stressed by the prospect of the interview.
He decides to do a few things to help:
He spends time preparing for the interview, highlighting from his application letter the particular things he wants to draw attention to. He sets aside time in his week to brainstorm the skills and experience he thinks are particularly useful and that he can expand on in the interview. He researches the company and their mission statement making notes about how he could show he would fit well into the company. All of this is focused on the causes of the stress (problem focused).
Alex also uses a relaxation app on his phone to practise some breathing exercises. These help him feel calm. During the week he reminds himself of the calming words from the relaxation, which helps him feel more positive about the interview. Emotion focused, helping him feel more positive.
As part of his preparations, Alex’s girlfriend runs through some mock questions for the interview. The rehearsing helps him realise that he can answer the questions which increases his self-confidence. His girlfriend also challenges the negative things he says about the interview process to help him see that he can be successful. This includes emotion and problem focused coping strategies. It also includes social support, which is particularly helpful when dealing with stress.
Social Support: the magic bullet to coping with stress…
Perhaps unsurprisingly, having support from others is beneficial whichever style of coping you prefer. Support from friends and family can come from them having a different perspective of the problem. They are not emotionally involved in the situation which means they can be a good sounding board for the possible solutions (enhancing problem focused coping).
The support from your friendship group also helps you cope with the emotions you feel as a result of the stressful situation. You talk about them and, as the old saying goes, a problem shared is a problem halved. This helps you think through things more clearly and decide on appropriate action: social support enhancing both emotion and problem focused coping.
Interesting to note… that research (Kiecolt-Glasner et. al., 1984) showed that the higher stress someone experienced, the more likely they were to have a reduced immune system response (NK cell activity), which goes some way to explaining stress related illness.
But also… a lack of social support contributed to that negative effect: the lower social support, the lower NK cell activity.
More than just thinking positive thoughts
Application: What are the lessons?
If the situation has created a HIGH level of emotion, this should be dealt with FIRST. Excess emotion will stop you being able to identify the practical actions that need to be taken. The emotion stops you seeing ‘the wood for the trees’!
STOP! Take stock of what practical actions you could take to deal with the situation. It doesn’t matter how small the actions are, they will take you away from the catastrophising of the situation and focus on what can be done right now. Take your time deciding what action needs to be taken, remember problem focused coping should not be led by the emotions of the moment.
What emotions have been created? STOP and deal with those. Calm down, and ask yourself if your emotional response is accurate given the situation. What social support have you at your disposal? Run the problem past someone else and see what they think. They are not feeling the same emotions that you are, they will no doubt see it in a way that you are unable to at that moment.
Benefit of combing Hypnotherapy and Coaching Techniques
Coaching provides you with a sounding board to discuss, organise and activate different ways of dealing with stressful situations. Working together we identify the most useful and effective ways for you to take the steps towards tackling the problem.
Through a supportive and personalised approach we work together to put in place the necessary elements that will help you to focus overcoming the current obstacle.
I will introduce you to the use of hypnosis as a tool to help maximise your efforts. Learning how to use focused relaxation and real positive suggestion, you can acquire the skills of how to re-programme your thinking and challenge the obstacles which have previously prevented you from succeeding.
Hypnosis is a great way of dealing with the emotions created by stressful situations, and when combined with coaching techniques, you are able to act on the practical solutions to deal with the stresses in your life.
Lazarus, R.S. and Folkman, S. (1984). Stress, Appraisal, and Coping. New York: Springer
Kiecolt-Glaser, J.K., Garner, W., Speicher, C.E., Penn, G.M., Holliday, J. and Glaser, R. (1984). Psychosocial modifiers of immunocompetence in medical students. Psychosomatic Medicine, 46, 7-14
Last post we looked at the second personality type. The person who deals with the stresses in their life with blunder and bluster until things get particularly bad and then struggle to cope. The stresses we deal with are often termed by psychologists as daily hassles and life changes. Many of us can deal with the daily hassles but those life changes can be more challenging for others.
The last personality type is probably best described as the actor. They love being the centre of attention and often described as being the life an soul of the party. They enjoy entertaining others with funny stories and banter; although sometimes it can be a little overpowering to others.
They are very extrovert in their behaviour with extravagant gestures and interestingly in their outward appearance; wearing brightly coloured clothes. They enjoy attracting attention to themselves and are happy if others are being their audience. Quite often they use dramatic language; a headache will not be painful it would be agony and something isn’t good it’s amazing!
The may claim to have a great depth of understanding about people, but in reality this is very limited. They find it difficult to ‘read’ other people and are oblivious to someone else’s feelings. As long as they are the the centre of attention they are happy. Some say they are the sort of person who asks how you are then tells you all about themselves. But what about stress?
The daily hassles are usually missed by this personality type. They brush them off and seem unconcerned by them. That lack of perception servers them well and they often cannot see the implications of those hassles. Living in the here and now they fail to see the bigger picture. However, those life changes hit them hard. They find it difficult to cope with the big changes in life and will react with lots of dramatic emotion; which the keen observer would note is somewhat childlike. With any luck they will fall back on their talent for showmanship and use the stressful situation as part of their performance.
It is important to remember too that we are all a mixture of the three of the personality types. No one person would fit perfectly to one description but one would be in predominance. It is useful to recognise which bits of the descriptions fit you best as this can give you an idea of why you deal with the stresses of life in a particular way.
Stress is part of our lives and nothing can change that. However, how we cope with those stresses can be changed. By learning how you deal with those hassles makes coping with the life changes much easier. Stress management and Hypnotherapy combined is very effective in being able to avoid the negative effectives of a stressful job, relationship or any other situation which has been causing you problems.
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