Let’s dust ourselves down from 2020 and think about how we can make some subtle changes to our behaviour to create and maintain some positivity in our lives.
Changing an unwanted behaviour or habit requires a persistent and consistent approach. It is a marathon rather than a sprint, and we expect the journey to be a bit rocky, but we hold on to the belief that it is going to happen.
There are a few techniques to help you remain consistent in your approach. They are not a ‘silver bullet’ but, they help us keep our mind focused on our goals.
I am, of course, only talking about minor problems and the sort of annoying behaviours that are not life restricting but are nevertheless something you would like to ‘nip in the bud’.
So here goes…
Delaying Technique – Many people refer to automatically indulging in habitual behaviour. They describe it as if a part of themselves takes over and they have little control over it.
While we know that this is not the case, and they are fully capable of making a choice, the behaviour can be reduced, by breaking the cycle when you get the urge to repeat it.
For example, the person who has the habit of eating refined sugar, it would be useful for them to engage in delaying the choice of whether to eat that sugary food.
When buying a coffee on the way to work, they may automatically look at the chocolate pastry on offer and have the urge to buy it. They should delay that choice, think to themselves:
‘I will come back to that choice and think about decide later. I can always get something sweet later if I choose to.’
Stop the automatic behaviour in its tracks and engaging your thought process, so you can make a choice rather than be driven by an unconscious urge.
Most Expectations – Many people make the mistake of thinking that they have to do something 100% of the time to get results. This mindset is expecting a great deal of oneself. We are human and not a robot.
Many factors contribute to the choices we make, so expecting perfect responses all of the time is a mistake. Aim for the kind of behaviour you would like most of the time. Remind yourself that 95% of the time would be a significant change in your behaviour, after all, you have been engaging in this behaviour for a long time, change is going to be gradual, and when you think of it like that, 95% is very impressive!
Expecting all instead of most means you run the risk of feeling disheartened when you go through the rocky road of habit change. Being persistent and consistent most of the time is by far the most useful way to overcome a habit.
Lower your expectations in the short-term and raise them for your long-term success.
Dispute and Challenge – The process of changing habitual behaviour is going to result in kickback from the mental programming you have set up over time.
Remember that you have created the behavioural process in your mind and repeated it over and over. You have made associations between people, places and events and that behaviour, so when you choose to not follow through on that programme, the alarms go off in your mind.
That alarm is the negative or unhelpful thoughts that if left unchecked, would hamper your decision to make a positive choice.
The person who has been working on changing the habit of drinking alcohol every evening after work is going to find that when they get home, the after-work drink programme is activated. If they halt that programme, they find themselves saying: ‘well, just one won’t hurt’ or ‘There is more tonic in there than gin, so it’s okay’.
These thoughts need to be disputed and challenged. Stop and ask yourself, how true is that? Is one drink okay if you want to change this habit? Is there something else you could do instead? Then delay the choice, come back to it later.
Question the Magic If – Something else to challenge is the negative magic statements we all find ourselves succumbing to occasionally.
The person thinks that IF they just had the odd cigarette that would be okay. Another person thinks that IF only they had more willpower, they would find it easy to stop biting their fingernails. Someone else might think, IF only their brain worked differently to other’s, they would find it easy to say no to drinking during the week.
These ‘magic if’ statements are the scapegoats for the behaviour to continue.
It’s perfectly natural to think in this way, after all, you are changing behaviour which has been part of you for a long time, but these statements need challenging and disputing just the same as any other unhelpful thought process.
It would also be a good idea to apply the delaying technique to these too. Rather than following the IF, they can delay that choice until later.
Time away from the immediate response breaks the automatic urge.
Choices, Choices – Choices are important when changing any unwanted behaviour. We have to accept that we make choices about our habitual behaviour.
Choices can be challenging, but they are choices nonetheless.
When I select the millionaire shortbread with my coffee, I make a choice that I know it is not the healthiest thing to eat, but I accept that it was my choice. I remind myself that I have to take responsibility for the choice I made, even if it was a habitual behaviour.
Likewise, the smoker has to acknowledge they choose to smoke. Avoiding that choice may well be difficult and is influenced by lots of factors, but a choice nonetheless, and without conceding that it makes a significant impact on whether they can change, they are more likely to find it difficult to stop the habit.
Changing a habit is a challenge but one you can overcome. Hypnotherapy can be a useful way to boost your efforts. Hypnosis can help the application of the above techniques as you make that positive change.
Come along for a chat to find out more. I offer everyone an initial consultation (no charge) so that we can go through things in a bit more detail and decide on the best approach for you. Contact me at www.ketteringhypnotherapy.com or call 01536 350328
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